The current events on the topic of sibling relations were fascinating, and it is sad to admit that I would never experience these longest relations in life. It may sound egocentric and selfish but being the only child in the family I honestly have never thought how different my life would be if I had a sibling. The vast majority of my classmates had siblings but somehow I never fantasized about having a sibling to hang out with, or to tease.
In this blog i would like to share with the class the interview with Helen Dennis who is a specialist on aging. She gives advice on how to reunite the siblings who had not talked to each other for a decade. She lists five types of sibling relationships: intimacy, congeniality, loyalty, apathy, and hostility. Since i cannot use my own experience, I can only talk about my mother's relations with her only brother. When they were growing up, the parents were so busy working and trying to survive, therefore they did not spend enough time teaching them how to behave with each other. Even though the parents did not support rivalries between children, name-calling, teasing and intimidating were still going on. Therefore the relations between my mother and uncle can be described as loyalty, which includes minimal contact and involvement, but help in a crisis.
Helen Dennis also talks about four common characteristics of sibling bonds: powerful, ambivalent, lasting, and complicated. It is sad to admit but my mother has complicated relations with her brother, and even though she often calls him to check him and his family, takes care of his cats and plants when he leaves, she would never share any personal information with him. When she talks to him the only topics she would discuss are weather, politics, and other family members’ news.
Here is the link to the article: http://help4srs.org/seniortruth/?p=948
Question for the class (if you have a sibling):
1) What type of sibling relations do you have?
2) What type of a sibling bond do you have?
3) How much do you think parents are responsible for sibling relations?
4) Helen Dennis gives some suggestions to prevent the hostile sibling relations. How effective do you think are they?
Questions for the class (if you do NOT have a sibling):
1) How different would be your life if you had a sibling?
2) What type of relations do you have with your best friend? Have you ever consider your best friend as a sibling?
I enjoyed the question you posed about if we believe parents affect sibling relationships. I defiantly think parents play a large role. My parents allowed my brothers and I to have a lot of freedom. They were always working and never knew what was going on around the house. Because of this, we were always doing inappropriate things like throwing snowballs at cars and teasing/ beating each other up. Due the fact our parents allowed us to express these types of childhood behaviors we, in turn, tended to act a bit more rebellious as adults. My parents also were not there to break up fights so we learned how to solve issues among ourselves. We also learned that if you tattle, when mom or dad is not around you are going to get harassed in one way or another for it. I thought this was a great lesson to learn early and I will never be that person who talks bad or tells on others. Had our parents had more control over us and forced us to be nice to one another, I think my siblings and I may not have grown as strong or had as many great stories to share in our older years. Parents defiantly play a role in the development of sibling relationships.
ReplyDeleteI believe that my parents definitely played a part in the relationship between my brother and I, but mainly because of the size of their families. With my mom being one of nine and my dad being one of ten, they each grew up in families where they handled sibling issues between themselves. My grandparents did not have the time to deal with each issue individually, nor could they give preference to one child. Because of my parents upbringing, I dealt with issues with my brother without my parents a lot. If things were physical or maybe if we embarrassed them they'd step in,but otherwise it was all us.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your stories Devin and Alek! I feel that my mother and her only older brother never learned how to treat each other with respect because the parents and grandparents were never around. Even now my uncle can be very rude and disrespectful towards women and even though my mother was younger than him, he never tried to protect her or financially help her (it is not typical for Russian families), so I still do believe that parents have a huge impact on the way the children treat their siblings in childhood and later lives.
ReplyDeleteI have an intimate relationship with my sister. I think a lot of it has to do with my parents, but not for the reason that others have listed above. My sister and I didn't have a very close relationship with my parents, so we pretty much counted on each other. In some aspects, although I am the younger of the two, I at times acted older and took care of her if she was going through a rough time and she at times took on that role too. I think parents are partially responsible for sibling relationships, but sometimes it can be because they weren't influential to you, so that made you turn elsewhere for advice.
ReplyDeleteThat is a totally different perspective that I have never even thought about! Thank you for providing your feedback.
ReplyDeletePolina I grew up in a household of five and while we were all very close when we were young that isn't the case now. I would classify our relationship as being "loyal". We all have minimal contact with each other because of the distance and engaging with our own extended families thru marriage. However, during times of crisis we are there for one another, even if its just a phone call to see how each of us is faring. I also believe that parents are somewhat responsible to maintain sibling relationships because old grudges, quarrels, and misunderstandings can go on for years between siblings until a responsible parent (usually the mother) steps in. Helen Dennis suggestions would work only if you have the full support of every family member. You couldn't have one sibling participating and not the other(s. It would be most advantageous if every family member truly wanted to bridge the gap that has divided his/her family.
ReplyDeleteI am going to choose to answer the question on the parents role in the relationship for siblings. I believe that parents play a HUGE role in the sibling relationship (and this is in line with the paradigm that I believe that parents play a huge role in every childhood situation). Parents can stimulate a relationship between siblings by simply suggesting from an early age that siblings simply talk to one another. Just knowing that your parents are rooting for your relationship to grow can greatly affect the way the siblings act towards one another. Also, the parents can set the example of being friends by having a great relationship with one another as well as other people, and then their chidlren can simulate what they see and this can help a relationship become/stay strong throughout their entire life
ReplyDeleteI have one older brother and we have a close relationship. There have been times in our lives when we were not close and even hostile but I think that had more to do with our ages and being in different places in our lives so we had trouble relating. My parents have always placed a great value on the relationship my brother and I have with each other. Today, I would consider him my best friend and I do think my parents valuing family relationships so much had a part in this.
ReplyDeleteGeorge, you were supposed to answer ALL questions!As for your reply, I agree that parents is the number one influence on the kids' relations. Parents are very often role models for the children, therefore parents should pay close attention to their own relations with the siblings because if they teach one thing and behave with their siblings in a different way children will see that and imitate that behavior.
ReplyDelete