Today we discussed different family theories and the division of families into open, closed, and random families made me think which one I am from. Since I was raised in a single-parent family I feel like it is rather difficult to identify how closed my family was, I remember always eating with my mom at the same time, but it was not because of the rules that she established, but because I never cooked and always waited for my mother to come home from work and to make dinner for me (it is very typical for Russian children). We definitely did not air dirty laundry in public, and my mom tends not to share any family plans with the relatives or neighbors. For instance, she did not tell anyone that I was applying for master’s program in the U.S. and that I got accepted until the day I landed in Ohio. At the same time she was pretty open to me bringing friends home and when we ate we did not have assigned seats at the dining table, we very often ate and watched TV at the same time.
The article that I found talks about the advantages and disadvantages of open and closed families, while stating that the extremes indicate a family dysfunction. I really liked the example of the religion that the family follows that is not represented in the community. I remember my friend telling me that she had weird neighbors – a family from Iran who lead a very isolated life and seem not social, but after reading this article I understand that part of the reason why this family was keeping a distance was the religion. I can only imagine how hard it is to be the only Muslim family in the White upper-middle class community. I think it is important to take the culture into consideration, I think Americans in general are much more open towards conversation than Russians are, especially when it comes to sharing the plans and career goals. I do not know what the reasons are but may be Russians are just much more superstitious and are afraid to endanger the success of the plans. The article made a valid point that too open family is not a solution either because when there are too many people coming and going, too much information and resources, children in these families are often lacking a clear set of rules and values. From my point of view children from such families would have trouble developing their own identities because they keep receiving mixed messages from different directions. Therefore, I believe the family should be balance, there is nothing wrong with a clear set of rules but at the same time the child should have the ability to explore the world outside home.
Do you think that your family was too open, too closed or balanced?
What do you think is more dangerous for the child development – too open or too closed families?
Here is the link to the article that was discussed above:
http://www.momlogic.com/2009/10/is_your_family_too_closed_or_too_open.php
After completing the course readings and discussing these topics in class I cannot say my family fits into either model of too open or too closed; we are often both. My family is very closed about money, gossip, and politics. There are certain things we just don't talk about outside the home. Most of that is understood without anything being said; yet, sometimes my parents will say, "this doesn't leave the the house". In those cases it's usually because the story would embarrass whomever it is about and it's inappropriate to gossip about. While at the same time my family is very open about what we are each doing individually, as a family, or what other family members are doing. Therefore I don't think they balance each other out because they cover completely different topics.
ReplyDeleteI think it is more dangerous for a child to develop in a home that is too closed than too open. I think it's important that children learn from as many people as possible in order to gain multiple perspectives. If you stay within the home you'll never know anything else and that can be detrimental to one's independence. However at the same time I recognize that too open of a home can lack structure for a child and allow negative influences to come in. It is at that point though that open families are important so that children can gain an understanding of what's right and wrong from positive influences.
In response to the blog questions, I do not think my family was either too open or too closed growing up. My parents did a good job balancing what family matters should be kept public and private about our lives. They taught my brother and I what we should feel comfortable telling others, and what we needed to keep to ourselves. On the open side of our family, we were have always been very close with our neighbors and often have company over for meals and family parties. My parents always were very inclusive of others, and always welcomed us to have friends over for family dinners. However, some things we have always stayed more on the closed side about are topics such as money and other personal family matters. We do not tend to discuss politics either.
ReplyDeleteLike the article stated, it can be problematic to raise a child in too open of a family because the child may never develop stable rules and values. The constant exposure of personal matters may also lead a child to be too dependent on others. With this being said, I do not think that it is safe to raise a child in an extremely closed type of family because the child will develop to internalize all problems and keep in my opinion, fail to develop trust for others outside of his or her family. The only way to trust others is to confide in them, however if they are raised in a totally closed setting, they will never experience this opportunity.
Even though I know I can't really be a good judge of my family's openness since I'm part of the family, I'd like to believe that my family is fairly balanced. My family is definitively Catholic, so we abide by some of the strict guidelines of a religious family, but I don't feel as though our faith makes us closed to the rest of the world. My parents are incredibly social individuals, so when my older sister turned 13, they had no qualms about leaving the two of us alone in the house. However, we weren't allowed to have friends over, because I think they trusted us more than other children! I've always felt as though we have open conversations in our family, but the fact that we often eat dinner together and have "assigned" jobs in our house makes me feel as though we are a balanced, loving family. Plus, when I took the quiz Dr. Radina gave us last week, we were right near the middle - so I guess we're OK!
ReplyDeleteFor child development, I honestly feel as though a closed family is far more harmful than an open family, even though neither one is really beneficial for the child. An open family may create chaos since a child is exposed to a lot before they're mature enough for the responsibility, but it's far easier (in my opinion) to come back from that than to recover from an isolated life dominated by your parents. Social skills are in my opinion the most important thing children learn while growing up, and a closed family eliminates these skills by limiting a child's opportunity to interact with individuals outside of their immediate family.
I would say that my family falls more into the random family category after our discussion in class. Growing up, my family and I have never been very close and we all kind of do our own thing usually. I cannot remember when the last time we had a family meal was, for example. At times I would have liked for my family to be more supportive (especially when I was younger) but most times I'm thankful for what I have. I grew up to be more independent because I had to, which is something I like about myself. I am more responsible than most people my age and I had to work for everything that I have because it was never handed to me.
ReplyDeleteSo in my opinion, growing up in a family that is too closed family is more harmful for child development. Individuals in the family have to learn how to make decisions for themselves rather than having everyone make decisions for them. Otherwise, they will lack decision making skills they need as adults.
I totally agree with Anne that very often it is hard to put a family in one these categories because on some issues the family tends to be more closed (for instance, politics, religion, family matters, money issues)while on the others more open (have people over, parties, close relations with the neighbors). I do belive that most families demonstrate the features of both family types.
ReplyDeleteI would agree as well. It is hard for me to categorize my family as one or the other. I feel that we have a strong bond and are really close, but my family also is very welcoming to new friends. We also do not tell our family business, but we are willing to invite others to hangout with our family and be close with us.
ReplyDeleteI think if a family is extreme on either end, this can be difficult for any child's development. Too closed or too open has an extreme effect on children, but if there is a healthy balance, the child will have a good balance with development.
Just my opinion.
I grew up with a completely open family. There was nothing I did not discuss with my parents and siblings. A typical conversation would center on powdering balls and morning sex. I feel that an open relationship results in total honesty and caring for each other. Because I was so close and open with my mom I was able to tell her anything that was going on in my life with no fear of punishment. Most the things we talked about were activities I had done that I probably shouldn't have but I still talked with my mom and dad about it and they never hesitated to offer their advise on the topic.
ReplyDeleteThe problem with having too closed of a family is that the children are afraid to share what their feeling and curiosities in fear of being punished by their elders. A closed group creates secrets and can actually encourage kids to misbehave solely because it is fun to disobey the rules.
My family was definitely too open. We couldn't keep a secret if we all tried :). I was raised in a single parent home and my mother stayed on the telephone talking all the time with close friends and family about what was going on in our household, with her kids, or some crisis that may have occured. There was also no structure as to how we ate dinner or where we ate dinner. A considerable amount of time was just spent with ourselves in our rooms or at a neighbors house.
ReplyDeleteI think open and closed families can both be dangerous if not balanced in a way that shows families what both sides of the fence looks like. While open families can create chaos and disfunction, isolated families can also not establish socialization skills with others outside their realm. A closed-knit family would become so accustomed to keeping everything "in house" that the family would not know how to function correctly in society where they couldn't depend or rely on individuals who weren't a part of their immediate family.
I agree with the majority of the comments when they say that it is hard to place their family in just one category. For my family, it really just depends on the subject matter. For most subjects, my family is very open. We discuss any topic you can think of. However, we do keep some things to ourselves. I would rather not tell my dad the details of what my boyfriend and I do romantically, and I certainly do not want to know what my parents do in the bedroom. There is a line you kind of don't cross when it comes to family topics of discussion, no matter how open the family may be. I would definitely consider my family very close-knit. We enjoy spending time together. However, we have a good balance of spending time by ourselves and having our own lives. Every family needs balance no matter how private the family is. Luckily, my family have a big network of friends and neighbors that we do not feel like we are isolated.
ReplyDeleteI grew up with a fairly open family and think it helped me have the great relationships I have with my family today. We would openly discuss most topics and I could ask my parents anything I wanted. There were things that my brother and I did keep to ourselves but our parents would have been open to talking about if we had wanted. I think it is important to have an open relationship but also to have certain boundaries so that line is not crossed between being uncomfortable with too much information.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Sarah, that every family needs a balance, my question is how do we achieve this balance? Who and when decides what part of a family life should be open or closed?
ReplyDelete